Free Your Mind.
Your Ass Will Follow.
Get Meg's free mini course delivered straight to your inbox:
Meg Worden Facebook35Meg Worden twitterMeg Worden Pinterest35Meg Worden instagram35
You Are Not Alone

You Are Not Alone

Love is the big booming beat that covers up the noise of hate.

~Margaret Cho

 

 

 

It’s been a long time since I posted anything here. The winter days of quiet reflection, for me, coincided with some crucial family changes.

And I’ve hesitated to write about it. In fact I’ve been having a whole writer’s block episode over it. It’s hard to tell a story when it’s too close, when you’re neck deep in it. See, I wanted to wait till I had slick distance and could be all cool and objective. I didn’t really want you to see my cracks. Confession: I’m terrified of being vulnerable in front of people. But I got to thinking about you. About the kinds of things you share with me. And, as it is my sincerest hope that our connection be genuine and based on real life experience. I knew the time was now. (Isn’t it always?)

 

It’s through our vulnerability that we’re truly able to connect.

 

So here goes.

After six years together, my husband and I have separated and are planning our legal divorce.

It’s the right move. Every one of my cells is certain. But the sadness is big and surprising. It’s not at all what I would have expected. It’s not the straightforward sad of the marriage being over, vow breaking, etc.

It’s more.

The range of emotion and destabilization is deeper. The ways that anger, fear and regression surface during these things is hard. Everyone acts like an asshole at least once. And that’s me being extremely diplomatic. Grief is inevitable. Even if it’s a change for the better, you don’t get to bypass grieving the dissolution of a thing that just isn’t any longer. A you that isn’t any longer.

Also, the  loss of other friendships is painful. Not everyone knows how to be with a friend who’s come undone. It’s loss upon loss. Fragmentation threads through everything for awhile.

The six months before we moved into our separate apartments was unspeakably stressful. We were cohabiting with each other’s discomfort, trying to re-establish a new way of relating without any room to breathe.

Out of respect for us and you, I’ll spare you all the intimate details of where it all went wrong, and just say that some people weren’t meant to be together.  It’s true. But the truth is also that growth always happens. So, going forward, I intend to tell the story that my marriage was a successful one, even if it wasn’t a forever one.

 

Fact: We get to choose our own story. No matter what. Every time.

 

I’m choosing this success story for me and definitely for my boy. Sure, I see the benefits to having a life partner, I do. But continuing to carry “forever”  as the only marital ideal when it just doesn’t match the reality of most American families is unfair. Kids don’t need to be told something as common as divorce is wrong. What if we just decide it’s ok to have multiple spouses in a lifetime? It’s what I’m doing. Deciding that it’s ok because it’s what’s going to happen.

Yes. I can see myself falling in love again. And maybe even again.

So my focus first and foremost has been self care. I’m doing a dietary cleanse. No dairy, sugar, gluten, soy, caffeine or alcohol. Giving my body a break from complex digestion as I move through the waves of anxiety and back into peace. I’m practicing Yin Yoga. Strength in stillness. Music, walking, reading. I got rid of more stuff because I like space more than stuff. I clean my (new!) apartment in a regular act of gratitude.

Taking good care of myself gives me the energy to help my boy see that his family is as normal as normal can be, that life brims with change and sometimes intense discomfort and relationships are complicated. I want him to understand that sometimes the best way to love someone is across some geographical and emotional distance, but regardless, our love for him prevails.

Love can mean so many things. But it still is, above all, the big thing. So big that it could never fit in one tiny little box.

Putting Love in a tiny box would be the worst kind of tragedy.

And then there is my other baby. My Health Coaching business. (Feed Me, Darling will be one year old May 1st! I’m so proud!) Since I started coaching, I have had the opportunity to work with so many incredible women (looking at you). Helping eradicate food cravings, stop self sabotage, choose which story you are going to tell and gain control over your health and life. I’ve been witness to the best kind of miracles.

I can hardly believe my job is so cool.

One of the heavies of separation is definitely going from dual income to single. The moneyfear bit makes my shoulders move closer to my ears every time. And as a single mother, it’s a really bit hit. I vacillate wildly between feeling terrified and brave. Because while being an entrepreneur is amazing and liberating, the burden of earning is all on me.

Like everything, it’s a mixed bag. It has it’s awful moments, but also there are benefits.

 

It requires I feel scared and keep going anyway.

It forces me to hold tight to a big vision where impossible things become probable and then finally present themselves, suffused with ease.

It helps me hold that vision for others as well. To see the uspurgence of financially independent, healthy and powerful women as a thrilling change to our social structure.

It requires me to do my very best work. And to keep going. Every day.

It helped me find support. Check out the fantastic money conversation Bridget Pilloud is having here. Also Crackerjack financial coach, Christyna Lewis of Bee Ventures has been a sanity saver.

 

If necessity (and maybe even a titch of fear) is the impetus for all of that, well, it’s hard not to be grateful for that also.

And I really am. Aside from all the ups and downs, the anxiety and drudgery, I am grateful beyond words for my health and the health of my boy, that I have this business that feeds me. And you. A business that connects me to you. And though I don’t know all of you in a face to face sort of way, I feel this crazy love for you. You have come into my life, felt a resonant chord and put your email into the little subscribe box. It means so much.

One of the most important things I’ve learned from this transformational work is that, the key that fits into the lock of change is human connection – highest potential reflection. It matters more than anything. Knowledge is easy to come by and readily available. We all know what we could or should be doing to feel better, or to feel complete. But your spirit isn’t moved by what you know. It’s really about who is supporting you, holding space for you while you come a little bit undone.

So, let’s stick together. Let’s dump out all those tight little boxes of love and let it wing. These huge life transitions are not just happening to me, or to us, they are happening all around us. To everyone. And no matter what we are dealing with we can be certain that we are not alone.

I’m not alone and neither are you.

 

A cracked heart hurts. But it allows the release of what’s no longer serving. And it gives access to a depth of compassion otherwise unavailable.

It is the darkest times that hollow out great spaces for light.

 

Thank you for sticking around. Thank you for reading. And thank you for your kind and considerate responses to my writing. Please keep them coming.

I absolutely love hearing from you.

XO,

Meg

 

Graphic by Word Preferred

You might also enjoy:

Free Your Mind. Your Ass Will Follow.

Get Meg's free mini course delivered straight to your inbox:

Share on Facebook26Tweet about this on TwitterPin on Pinterest17Share on StumbleUpon0Email this to someone

67 Responses to You Are Not Alone

  1. i don’t know that there are enough words to describe how this post made me feel. positive words, yes but there just aren’t enough of them. thank you.

    • mworden says:

      I am so glad it touched you and that you’re here, Shanalee. Looking forward to getting to know you better. Thank you so much for reading. Big love, much peace.

  2. Meg dearest. You’ve been in my thoughts of late and here you are with this vulnerable beautiful post. I’m sad and exhilarated by your changes and courage. My prayer for everyone is always spontaneous, effortless transformation. But it rarely happens like that. I am mid-write of my own raw-heart, new beginnings post. If I express 1/10th of the grace and wisdom you have here, I’ll be quite satisfied.
    All love ~ Mahala

    • mworden says:

      Dear Mahala, It means so much to hear I’ve been on your mind. Such compassion you have. That prayer is beautiful and so powerful. While transitions may never be effortless and spontaneous, they may still be softened in ways we can’t imagine by your gracious prayers. Big love, lady. Keep in touch. I’m sending much writerly mojo your way for your project. xoxo

  3. lisa says:

    oh my gosh i hope you know how much i love you. strong you. vulnerable you. undone you. amazing you. holding-it-together you. mom you. meg you.

    not alone, that’s for certain.

    • mworden says:

      I can feel your love from here. Totally. And sending it right back. I’m one of your biggest fans, Lisa. Mean it. xoxo

  4. Meg,

    Just wishing you luck. Touching, powerful post. Hang in there girl!
    :: Marta

  5. Rhiannon says:

    I needed this. Today, right now. I needed it. Thank you, sister-in-circumstance.

    • mworden says:

      I’m so happy it was timely for you, Rhiannon. If you ever want to connect deeper about this shared circumstance, I’m game. Sending much love to you. xo

  6. scamp (aka Shirley) says:

    Resonates deeply with where I’ve been and what I’ve done. You will come through this to find more of every good thing that life has to offer. I know this to be true!

    • mworden says:

      Your kindness and confidence are like a sweet exhale. Thank you for being here. Looking so forward to hearing more from you. xo

  7. Thank you Meg for sharing your story. There is a healing that comes from writing, there is a bigger healing in sisterhood. You are never alone…each of us that have been on this journey or on the road currently are with you in spirit. The pain, healing and triumph moves each of us onward and upward.

    Be blessed. You are COURAGEOUS, EVOLVING, EMPOWERED, EXCEPTIONAL & REVOLUTIONARY.

    In awareness, joy, harmony, passion, love & sisterhood,
    Andrea

  8. Mary M. says:

    Like Rhiannon said, I needed this, too. Right here. Right now. Struggling through a cleanse and craving what I mustn’t have in order to keep my health and well being.

    Also wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone. I’ve been there, too, and you described the grief of it so perfectly and truthfully. My son, who was four when I divorced his father and who is now 38 thrived in spite of, because of(?) our divorce. And, with a wise woman like you for a mother, yours will too.

    Take care of yourself, Dear One, you are precious.

    • mworden says:

      Mary, Thank you so much for saying that about your son. I think my boy will be fine too, but it always helps to hear these success stories. Please hang in there with the lovely healthy choices you’re making for yourself. And please know that if you need any support around that Im here and would love to talk. You are also precious. xo

  9. Gorgeous!
    Thank you SO much for sharing!

    xoxoHeather

    • mworden says:

      Heather! So great to see you here. Thank you so much for reading and your kind comments. I Hope you’re well and prospering, friend. xo

    • Roxanna says:

      Thank you, Dr. McGuff. I stopped doing deadlifts over 10 years ago, because I suffered a serious lower back pain from it. Even though my form was textbook style. When I was training my clients back then? they too were starting to feel some pain on their lower back. I had to stop them and cancell this palatcurir exercise.

  10. Deborah says:

    Meg,
    Thank you for this beautiful post. I get amazed at how you can take fresh pain and sculpt it into art. You are such a blessing . . . And you’re not alone. I’m with you!
    Love, Deborah

  11. Jenn says:

    You are so brave! Your courage inspires me.
    I’ve been there, ran back scared, may just go there again?
    Thanks.

    • mworden says:

      Dear Jenn, You are also brave! Thanks for the guts to comment and share your similar experience, regardless of the scared. Please keep in touch. If there is any way I can support you, I’m here. xoxo

  12. Abbé says:

    Such open processing. Thank you for your brave post. I am reminded of Paul Simon’s song lyric “everyone can see you’re blown apart-everybody feels the wind blow.” sending you love and a firm foundation to grow upon. We are not alone.

    • mworden says:

      Thank you, Dear Abbe. I appreciate those words “firm foundation” so much. Also “we are not alone”. Big love to you from the west coast. Our paths crossing continues to feel like a lovely gift. xo

  13. Trista says:

    Thank you for sharing your vulnerable real self and what you’re going through. I’ve been here too and it’s a roller coaster. But it brings us to deeper knowing, and ultimately a richer, more honest life. I celebrate where you are and where you are going. Love to you and your boy.

    • mworden says:

      Dear Trista, Rollercoaster to richer. Yes. I wouldn’t have it any other way, really. The process is painful but definitely interesting and empowering. Thank you so much for reading and for commenting. I’m really glad you’re here. xo

  14. melody says:

    You are very much loved and brave….and true to yourself to be able to make these heart wrenching decisions because you know it’s the right thing to do. Wishing aliveness and peace to you and that adorable son of yours.

  15. Rocky Durham says:

    Much love to you and ‘A’! I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

  16. Waylon says:

    Thanks so much for sharing this! I hear you on growing weary of being publicly vulnerable – but it truly is what makes the human connection online. For instance, reading this has really moved me, and has been inspiring. That wouldn’t have happened otherwise! Best of luck moving forward and writing an awesome narrative to your life!

    • mworden says:

      Hello Waylon. Thanks for reading and being moved. It means a lot. Bringing humanity online does take guts but it’s worth it, considering all of the amazing people you wouldn’t get to meet otherwise. I’m glad you’re here.

  17. viviane says:

    a couple of deep breaths for all the changes you are facing. thank you for your willingness to share your life- especially this particular transition. i have been there and what you wrote speaks to my own experience.

    it is so important to de-stigmatize divorce. why add more trauma to the natural losses that go along with re-forming a relationship? there are plenty of changes in life and changing the nature of a relationship is just one of them. a marriage is no exception. thank you for helping to normalize this by sharing your experience.

    • mworden says:

      Deep breaths and De-stigma. Agree wholeheartedly on both counts. Thanks so much for commenting, Viviane. Please keep in touch. xo

  18. Tina says:

    hey Meg, my thoughts, prayers, heartfelt good wishes are winging their way across the pond. I know how hard it is to write about these kind of experiences without drowning in them. Well done you for articulating your thoughts and feeling so well. You’ll do just fine. And when you aren’t feeling so fine, just keep writing and connecting, we’ll keep sending our love and energy out to you.

    • mworden says:

      Thank you, Tina. This means a lot. I am always so amazed at the kindness available when you ask for it. Have a lovely day and I’m so glad you’re here. xo

  19. Alane says:

    I find it very touching and incredibly brave when someone bares their sole like you have in this post. The part about connections touched me the most. Just like your Blog says you are not alone. May you find peace and comfort now and always!

  20. Erin says:

    Lovely post by a very lovely you. I am so moved by your vulnerability. It challenges me. Thank you for sharing the scary parts. Love.

  21. Joanna DeVoe says:

    This was beautiful & brave! THANK YOU for taking the time to post this, Meg -xo

  22. Christyna says:

    Meg,
    You are so graceful. Your words shine a light that makes scary choices bearable. The ripple effects of your honest courage, in life and in this post, will be immeasurable.

    I am delighted to be called out as part of your support web. I am here for you, always.

    humongous love, Christyna

  23. CARRiE says:

    Dear Meg
    I wanted you to know how touching your story was. After reading you post, website, and also listening to your interview with Jaime Ridler , I can see you are a very strong woman. How good to know that as you have cared for and nourished so many women, you are also caring for yourself in this time of uncertainty and transformation. Healing a broken heart is hard work. May you find peace and balance once again!

  24. Jeremy Bibbee says:

    Meg,
    You are a brave soul. I have always admired your strength, and I always will.

  25. meg,

    wow. deep. powerful. vulnerable. i was most touched by your description that your marriage was a success, even if not forever. it’s so easy to go to ‘failure’ when something doesn’t turn out the way we wanted/expected it to. and hard to understand the paradox of fear and gratitude happening in the same moment.
    wishing you courage (which, clearly, you already have) on your journey.
    may your heart be broken open.

    thank you.
    justyn

    • mworden says:

      “the paradox of fear and gratitude” that is so great, Justyn. Thanks so much for being here. I’m so happy you are.

  26. Skylor says:

    You, my friend, are so strong- and your strength is found in the comfort of your vulnerability. The opposite of fear is security. When we bring our fears to light we seek security- and you are finding such security by exposing your wounds- as only then can people know how to reach out and help you. This is what this post has done for you and what a difficult feat!!! What an inspiration you are. I love you and am so proud of you.

  27. […] I’ve been writing stories about […]

  28. That was like a million whispers of love. xo

  29. Christina B says:

    Meg,
    This is so beautiful and authentic and….healthy! As a “child of divorce” myself I am so grateful my Dad chose us over an unhealthy marriage, it truly made me a stronger more compassionate adult – kudos to you super mom! Thank you for sharing this, I think it’s a testament to your Spirit to put it all out there. I see you. Sending prayers and digital hugs.
    (\o/) xoxoxox
    -Christina

  30. […] By people like Meg Worden with her recent blog post, and Kristin Noelle with just about everything she writes… And […]

  31. […] I move towards writing with a bit more vulnerability (yikes) Meg reminds me why we […]

  32. Anu says:

    3 yrs ago, I too suffered the loss of a 6 yr marriage. The first 3 months after were very difficult but one day I woke up and felt better. I did a lot of grieving, taking care of myself and just putting one foot in front of the other during those first 3 hard months. Now life is good again and I’ve found my path, unhindered from something that wasn’t meant to be. What I love about your post is that you say your marriage was successful even though it wasn’t forever. So true! Things don’t have to be forever to be successful. Thank you for this.

  33. Gin says:

    Meg, I just stumbled onto your blogsite – and read this. I’m so touched by your story, which reflects the reality of so many of us. I had a similar experience many years ago, after 18 years of marriage, and in the past few years have just come into an understanding and knowingness that I can love again, that what has been is not all that can be – there is another chapter yet to be written.

    Thanks for articulating it so well, and I look forward to reading more from you!

    • mworden says:

      Gin, Im so glad you’re here. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and hope. There is always another chapter. Life is incredible that way.
      I look forward to hearing more from you as well. Have a great day.

  34. Donna Crombie says:

    Meg, your attitude, as always, is amazing. Thank you for your honesty and wisdom. Wish I could hug you right now.

    • mworden says:

      How much do I love seeing you here, Donna? So much. Thank you infinity for your kindness. I think of you often. xo

Leave a reply

Want to get in touch? You can email me directly: hello@megworden.com.

brand & site design by makeness media