You are cute. In fact, you are more than cute. You are radiant, divine. You are ancient and stars and stuff all squished into human form. Yet, you yell at you all the time. For all kinds of things. Many of you are just walking around with a constant barrage of negative self talk narrating your day. And that really sucks.
So I got to thinking about all the things you might say to you. And how absurd it is for you to be so mean to yourself. And how much I think you should treat yourself like the soft and adorable creature you are.
So, to illustrate the absurdity of it all, I gathered up a bunch of cute animals to criticize. Yep, it’s a serious sacrifice, being verbally horrid to innocent animals and all, but it is a sacrifice I’m willing to make if you will start being sweeter to yourself.
Here you go.
Damn, you are one lazy bunny. The house is a mess, the dog needs a walk and you’re getting fat. You pretty much fail at life. Loser.
No one likes you, duckling, you needy little fool. No one wants to hear what you have to say. You should really just leave this party and go home and eat ice cream because who really cares.
You have exactly zero self control, hamster. Ever hear of portion sizes? I hate you.
Another cookie? Really, rabbit? Obviously you’re not eating anything tomorrow and doing a double workout.
You are always making such a big deal out of everything, tiny monkey. Relax already.
Blubber butt. And let’s not even talk about you wearing white in the winter.
Another inappropriate relationship doomed for failure. You’re hopeless, lamb. You too, goat.
Dude. I don’t even know what you are so we will just call you LOUD MOUTH.
You are fooling no one, hedgehog.
There are really no words for how awful you are, puppy. All I know is you make me want to drink.
Your frog hat makes you look fat, gerbil.
Your fat hat makes you look cat, frog. Wait.
Now I’m just completely distracted by the fact that “animals in frog hats” is a thing. So it’s probably a good place to stop. Although, seriously? What is the deal with these two idiots?
Alright? Get it? It’s just as weird (and not nearly as funny) for you to do it to you. So stop it.
image sources unknown. if they are yours please let me know and i’ll credit or remove immediately.