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Relax. You’re Already Ok. Also: Pimp Suits

Relax. You’re Already Ok. Also: Pimp Suits

So can I just say how totally tired I am of being told to “Do epic shit?” Even just the word epic is tiresome.

I don’t know about you, but it just makes me feel bad about myself when all I see as the definition of epic shit is sexy people traveling around the world making a difference. Or just instagramming their bare feet in front of ocean waves. The people who do epic shit are on stages in high heels with sleek calves, right? They have a trending hashtag, or are cuddling up to Oprah in photographs that look shopped but aren’t. They vision board.

I always think pictures of ordinary people with Oprah look shopped. Just me?

And of course all of this stuff is great, but this is not the only definition of epic shit, you guys. It is just a tiny part of the story.

As far as I’m concerned, epic shit can also look like getting all the things on a to-do list accomplished on most days. Or at least getting most of those things accomplished on most days.

It is sometimes keeping my child alive on frozen fish sticks and canned clam chowder because I can’t battle over kale every day. Yeah, I am a health coach, but my son didn’t hire me to make him eat kale, he just needs me to love him and be a decent example and when I succeed at that without screwing it up and having to apologize for acting like a human who didn’t get parenting lessons, I consider it epic also.

I consider keeping my child, and for that matter myself, alive to be epic.

I consider going to the grocery store to be epic.

Photo Mar 02, 1 58 26 PM

These suits are utterly epic.

Oh the grocery store. Making a list, getting dressed, parking, crowds and acute sensory input overload, and then… small talk. Cashiers are all, “Got any big plans today?”

I get all paralyzed because small talk is so confusing, and I end up saying something nonsensical, too loud and with spazzy intonation. “No! I’m not going kayaking!”

And it’s true. I’m not going kayaking, even though it’s sunny out, even though that is what epic shit is supposed to look like. Nope, I am going right back home because I’m in the epic business of making sure my son’s homework gets finished and that we stay hydrated.

Epic looks like not having visible pee on the toilet seat.

It looks like doing the laundry, folding it and putting it away. Or at least, putting it in the right room.

It looks like functioning at the summit of my grooming potential now and then.

It looks like social time with friends for laughing.

It looks like the fact that there are people in my life that love me despite all the mistakes I make.

And, of course, it looks like all of the stability I have built despite getting dragged kicking and screaming into adulthood. It is the things I get written, captured, crafted, the meals shared, the good parenting moments, making a beautiful home no matter how many times I have moved somewhere new, started over from scratch. It looks like taking care of myself, my health and the health of my clients who trust me with their softest and hardest stuff. Yeah, that happens and it is seriously epic.

Sweetheart, I am not advocating mediocre shit. I really want you to write the book and start the business and do the art because all of that saves lives. I want you to travel to beautiful places and do useful things while you are there or just instagram your toenail polish in the sand. I want Oprah to meet you so I can make jokes about how funny you guys look in the photo together.

I will totally like that epic shit on Facebook when it happens to you.

But you should also know that just surviving all of the intensity and grief you have had to survive in this one go-round and still waking up every day and making a play for love is so beautiful it could crush my heart.

You should know with every cell of you that maintaining faith that everything will be ok, even when that faith is fueled by fury, is epic. Being able to remember to breathe once in awhile and witness how time slows down and expands just to honor the fact that you are paying attention, is epic. Being in awe of nature when you remember to notice it is epic. Those times that you feel good in your skin no matter how rare that happens are epic. The fact that these things, these sweet moments find their way through your chaos, past your walls of resistance, despite your clever excuses and your never ending insistence that you don’t deserve them… is epic shit, and you are doing it.

You should know that what you are already doing is enough.

You are enough.

So stop it with the  pressure already, ok?

 

Love you. I mean it.

XO,

Meg

 

image by me

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74 Responses to Relax. You’re Already Ok. Also: Pimp Suits

  1. Srinivas says:

    Hey Meg,

    I just came across this by way of Ashley Ambirge and you now have a new fan and reader. I’ve been thinking so much the manicured and edited versions of our lives we put on display. I even wrote this on a status update the other day

    “We live in a world that makes it very easy to compare ourselves because our lives are so publicly on display. But what we do is we judge the package by the wrapping paper. You may think you want my life. But you don’t. You’ll get the parts that suck with the parts that are awesome. We’re kind of obsessed with this idea of trading up for a better life. However what we don’t realize is that there is no Facebook photo album for somebody’s inner turmoil. I’m working on making a conscious effort to celebrate little victories, appreciate what I have, and keep moving forward.”

    What you just wrote is my favorite thing I’ve read all week.

    • mworden says:

      Yes! What you said. I would actually find a fb photo album of inner turmoil fascinating. Cheers to “little victories” and to Ms. Ash for bringing us together. Thank you so much for reading and commenting. Looking forward to hearing more from you.

  2. How am I possibly the first comment on this? BRILLIANT. Perfect. So true and real. I found myself nodding along with every word and laughing with you – “No! I am not going kayaking!” HA!

    Thank you for this. Will be sharing.

  3. This is a fabulous post. Hopefully, for me, NOT doing the laundry can be as epic as doing it since I have trouble in this area. Since my 50th is just a few weeks away I am particularly annoyed by the 20 somethings with their toes in the sand but you are right, we all do amazing things everyday and it would be worth my time to notice. Thank you for that!

  4. Joy says:

    Thank you! The synchronicity is amazing. This morning a friend asked me what I considered my ‘real work’. Please know I love Facets and all I do through it is wonderful, but I answered honestly–my real work is to be present to my children as they navigate this year of being 13&15–to be there to listen and drive and guide and support. So, on surface, it might not look like I’m doing “epic shit”, but I really truly am vesting presence to what I believe in. It feels so incredibly vulnerable to have shared it with her, and to share it now, but there is such joy and peace in living my truth, as simple as it might be. And, that to me, *is* epic *grin*

    • mworden says:

      Being a parent is epic on account of it’s relentlessness alone. And also the joy. Ha. Thank you so much for your comments, Joy. I’m thrilled that this came at a perfect time for you.

  5. Ryan says:

    Meg,

    I stumbled upon this from Ash on twitter. Finishing it took the greatest weight off of my shoulders.

    Words can’t capture how thankful I am that you wrote this. It meant the world to me.

  6. Thank you for this. You rock!

    I have been totally procrastinating on writing more because I feel like every article has to be ‘effin epic! What if were just honest? I’m gonna go with honest as my new standard.

    How could that go wrong?

    PS – I am a mom, too, and I consider watching Glee with my daughter (she’s 17 months and loves the music), reading to her, ordering her new bed and not forgetting to order the sheets to go with it pretty ‘effin epic.

    PPS – I, too, am NOT going kayaking this weekend. In fact, I probably won’t even leave the house. ;)

    • mworden says:

      You can not go wrong with honesty. But we def can when we pressure ourselves into paralysis. Cheers to you, Rachel and mad solidarity on getting the bed AND the sheets. You rock pretty hard yourself. Also giving birth. EPIC. xo

  7. shana says:

    i don’t know how but you always seem to post exactly what i need at the exact time i need it. thank you.

  8. kris says:

    Amazing post. Like the above commenters, I stumbled on your blog via Ashley A. It resonates so well with me being a new mom and suddenly not having time to do anything but take care of my son. I now wash someone else’s butt everyday and I consider that epic. Will def share this. Thanks for the honest post!

    • mworden says:

      Our Ashley Ambirge did send some wonderful people, didn’t she? And holy yes. Washing butts is hella epic. *high five*

  9. Meg, thank you for this lovely (love) letter. I found you via Ash Ambirge as well, and look forward to reading more. You’ve brought tears to my eyes and peace to my heart today.
    With gratitude,
    Caroline

  10. Meg! Such gliding words. All the big hairy deals are the accumulation of small blissed happenings. Thank you for the reminder – and the suits. Because iridescent purple pimp suits DEFINITELY qualify as epic shit.

    Toes in the sand.

    Aloha, Ash

  11. [...] epic really looks like. An incredible reminder from [...]

  12. Beth says:

    HAHAHA! ‘Epic looks like not having visible pee on the toilet seat.’ I would qualify that and say – ‘if company is coming.’
    Soldier on!

  13. [...] a rare moment of quiet I stumbled upon this beautiful blog by health coach, Meg Worden. Tackling the difference between real life and the ‘vision [...]

  14. Paulette says:

    Hey, I get the epic thing! But meg…you are sounding a little pissy toward others…what up with that? We are enough…that is it, isn’t it? We just need to honor everyone where they are, and most importantly ourselves…every day life is fantastic… Thanks for your words…

    • mworden says:

      Hiya Paulette. Not sure who “others” is… Oprah? Grocery store cashiers? “Pissy” certainly isn’t the intent. And yes, we are enough, as we are, in all of our different ways of being in the world. Though, I would argue that every day life is *not* always fantastic. It is also heavy, sad, challenging, frustrating, etc.. But it is important, valuable, well worth honoring, and definitely epic. Cheers.

  15. Steve Errey says:

    Yep.

    “Epic” can be the smallest detail, like taking a breath when you’re hurting, and often that can be more impactful than anything you might “hustle” to achieve.

    Thanks Meg.

  16. Abby Kerr says:

    It’s rare that I read every word of a blog post all the way to the end. This post kept me doing that.

    My favorite part: “I will totally like that epic shit on Facebook when it happens to you.

    “But you should also know that just surviving all of the intensity and grief you have had to survive in this one go-round and still waking up every day and making a play for love is so beautiful it could crush my heart.”

    Geez, Meg. This stuff is the real sh*t.

  17. claire stone says:

    Meg, this is brilliant. A perfect reminder that sleeping in a single bed with my daughter last night because she felt sick is more epic than each and every new sale of my little detox. It made me laugh and nod ’till my eyes wobbled because it is the tiny pieces of epic-ness which, over time, make a life well lived. And a life well lived in whatever way it goes, is, surely the goal and the journey, and is as epic as epic itself.

  18. I really enjoyed this, Meg. I SO feel where you’re coming from. The pressure to be epic or go home has become oppressive in some circles.

    My goal? To extricate myself from those circles. In fact, I’d like to be so far outside of those orbits that I can’t even hear people screaming the word “epic.”

    I responded to another post earlier today that ran along a similar theme. You might like it if you have a moment: http://www.businessesgrow.com/2013/03/31/a-rant-in-praise-of-the-unremarkable/ by Mark Schaefer. It’s good stuff.

    Three cheers (with a cherry on top) for getting through the day and mostly through the To Do list, reading the bedtime stories and remembering to turn on the dishwasher, having your little one say, “I love you, mom,” and being able to sleep the deep and restorative sleep of the contented. :)

    • mworden says:

      Oh, Jamie, I loved Mark’s post. Thank you for the intro. And yes about extrication. We are totally in charge of what we want to see in our feed. If someone (no matter how “internet famous” they are) makes you feel like crap, unfollow. There are too many amazing people in the world, and on the internet, to waste precious energy and time.

      Cheers to you and your little, and absolutely to deep sleep. xoxo

  19. Hi Meg,

    New fan via FB. I so agree and I’m going to write an article and link back to you. I’ve only been tempted to use the words epic shit once or twice but refuse because it’s BS 99% of the time.
    Thanks for this and we all need to call this out more!

  20. Christie says:

    Hi Meg,

    Found this via Judy Clement Wall on twitter and I soooo needed to hear this right now…today….this moment. #thankyouthankyouthankyou!!!

    Struggling with a bit of a crisis of faith this past week. Watching people I love having such a hard time manifesting their dreams, pursuing their passion and not getting the results they desire. Follow your bliss my ass ;^) *sorry I am prone to random outbursts of crying “bullshit” these days*

    And then you have me, who thinks that I need to do epic shit in order to validate my existence on this earth…it has to be big and it has to make a difference…blah blah blah.

    Just had this conversation with my husband, who is so Winnie-the-pooh like, so present moment aware, so f’ing grateful (which at times like this can make me want to strangle him, but I digress) and I said, I need to just be happy. I chose to take care of my family and I do that on a very epic scale, so epic in fact that they would be quite pleased if I pulled it back a bit given my hubby is a grown man and my son is now 19 and doesn’t need me helping him brush his teeth.

    I do the grocery shopping, I work part time, I pay all the bills, I program all the electronic devices in our house (really the remote isn’t working, did you try new batteries?), I cook, I am the master scheduler, the organizer, the glue and I made myself so indespensible in trying to be so damn epic that I seem to have misplaced myself. As my very brilliant husband said “why don’t you focus on your dreams for awhile and see what happens”…I had no response, my mouth just kept opening and closing and then I went and had a good cry.

    If I can smile at the homeless person on the corner and let them know they are seen, instead of looking away because it is uncomfortable, if I can take time to laugh with my family instead of rushing around the house like a tazmanian devil, yelling about how busy I am, if I can send a postcard to a friend struggling, or pick up the phone and call my mother-in-law (talk about epic), then those things should be enough, they need to be enough.

    So for now, like you, “I will totally like that epic shit on Facebook when it happens to you.” I will celebrate me, in all my epic badassness by going to get a sparkly pedicure and then posting a picture of my awesome toes right before I slip them into my fuzzy slippers and sit my ass on the couch.

    • mworden says:

      Wow, Christie, sounds like you have been doing so much for so long. Big, brave work. So glad to hear about sparkle toes. Hope you had a great day, lovely, and thank you so much for reading.

      “follow your bliss my ass” <– love. you.

  21. Meg, THIS was epic. YOU are epic. Abby’s favorite part was mine, too. My less-favorite parts, just because they are such epically painful things to have be my version of epic, had to do, like yours, with those small victories of not-allowing-one’s-offspring-to-perish and of attempting-to-ensure-one’s-own-coiffeur-doesn’t-contain-unintended-birds-or-rodents. I think that’s part of why we get into comparison with people doing far more glamorous shit: their version of epic ALSO includes time to blog about it/instagram it/tweet it… while I’m trying to get the ‘dumb baby’ – as we call her when she won’t go to sleep – to sleep or trying to figure out which pile of laundry is clean vs. which WAS clean except now we’ve played in it and there’s a sandwich lost somewhere inside.

    Keep it up. You are magnificent.

    • mworden says:

      Totally about keeping the mice out of my hair, Michele. Ha. I died reading that. Just thinking about all that glamour makes me sleepy. Stick around, lady. Looking forward to more from you.

  22. Wow, I just fell in love with you. That is all :o)

  23. Sarah says:

    Ah, the truth, I knew I’d find it somewhere on the internet!!

  24. lee Clements says:

    Found you through The Middle Finger Project on fb and so glad I did.
    thank you for this post, it really made me sit up and take notice
    :)

  25. [...] could not love Meg Worden’s post, “Relax. You’re Already Ok. Also: Pimp Suits” more. It begins like this: “So can I just say how totally tired I am of being told to [...]

  26. [...] Relax. You’re Already Ok. Also: Pimp Suits [...]

  27. We often fail to acknowledge how far we’ve come because we are so focused on how far we think we have to go. But taking some time to just be … every day …. and to focus on the here and now can make all the difference. And, actually, every time I do that, I am much happier, more productive and make more progress on creating the life of my dreams. So there you have it! We are our own worst enemies sometimes.

    • mworden says:

      So true. We humans are kind of hilarious the way we cling to our own tyranny. Simple stuff but so hard to do sometimes.

  28. [...] in the process from two of the most beautiful women in the world: Grace - The Nude Foodie and Meg - Feed Me, Darling. (Both are on Pinterest, by the way. What?  You thought I’d get through an entire blog post [...]

  29. Ah—such an epic truth Meg! Love that..feeling like I’m relaxing now into my todo list.
    Love you girl.

  30. I almost didn’t click the link to read…but oh so glad I did. There are moments when you know something was written and put in front of you for a deep purpose, and this was that exact moment for me. Thank you, love, for speaking to me. Deep thanks and big love to you…from your newest fan and follower…

  31. Joodles McFabulous says:

    “I consider keeping my child, and for that matter myself, alive to be epic.” Right?? Everything else is somewhat of a no-brainer comparatively speaking.

    If I get my kids in the car without minimal manhandling and screaming, I consider it an epic morning.

    Actually, an epic morning would be getting a shower in before shout-shaming my kids into my Touareg (I have owned my car for 6 years and don’t know if I’ve spelled it’s name correctly..who the fuck names a car this??) because we do the same fucking routine every morning but somehow they still haven’t figured it out. Epic shit going down at the Swenson house.

    I heart you, doll face.

  32. [...] a bunch of good links, including Show the World Your Magic, a post by artist Mati Rose, and Relax. You’re Already Ok. Also: Pimp Suits in which Meg Worden says “But you should also know that just surviving all of the intensity [...]

  33. [...] Relax! You’re Already Ok. Also: Pimp Suits from Feed Me Darling A fantastic reminder of what “doing epic shit” often looks like. [...]

  34. [...] Relax. You’re Already Ok. Also: Pimp Suits Meg Worden over at Feed Me Darling on being enough. [...]

  35. [...] came across a blog recently that extolled the virtues of realising when you are being ‘epic’ in a more [...]

  36. [...] Relax. You’re Already Ok. Also: Pimp Suits | Feed Me, Darling. [...]

  37. [...]  Relax. You’re Already Ok. Also: Pimp Suits One of the reasons I rarely blogged for two years was because I was paralyzed by the success of those around me. They were all doing ‘epic shit’ and I felt like an imposter. I’ve really been enjoying recent blog posts reminding people to take pleasure in getting through each day. [...]

  38. Jayden Beggs says:

    There’s definately a great deal to learn about this topic.. I really like all of the points you have made. Katy Roofing Construction, 2013 N. Fry Rd., #205, Katy, TX, 77449, US, 281-394-0820

  39. [...] The fact that you are still here, that you get out of bed every day and show up for yourself, and for others is some epic shit. [...]

  40. […] in the interim, it’s requiring all of my effort just to do the most basic things like make sure the house isn’t gross and we have food to eat. Trying not to eat all of the tater […]

  41. […]  Relax. You’re Already Ok. Also: Pimp Suits One of the reasons I rarely blogged for two years was because I was paralyzed by the success of those around me. They were all doing ‘epic shit’ and I felt like an imposter. I’ve really been enjoying recent blog posts reminding people to take pleasure in getting through each day. […]

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