I just wanted to let you all know (with the hopes that this will make you feel good about yourselves) that I wanted more than anything to give the squirt gun of justice to a Tibetan Monk last night – while he lovingly addressed the crowd about compassion.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the squirt gun of justice and don’t want to watch the video, it’s the perfect fantasy fiction tool for introverts. When someone starts talking, you know, in that way that gets makes lids super heavy and your brain twist in opposing directions, you squirt them in the face with a squirt gun and it gives you time to run away. No one gets hurt and you get safely back to your bed and books.
So, yes, I basically just admitted to wanting to squirt a monk in the face with a water pistol.
I over-committed to interacting this week. Not that I didn’t have some of the best conversations ever, because I did. It was a hell of an awesome week… but I have a capacity limit. And it was reached. Regardless of knowing this, I thought, HOW BAD CAN A BUDDHIST DINNER BE?
And it wasn’t bad.
It was perfectly wonderful.
And, yet, I was drained. All I wanted to do was finish fixing my bed (the frame needs some re-engineering to fit a new space – long story that I might tell you later) so I could lay in it and watch the “Sons of Anarchy” episode of The Writer’s Room and finish reading The New Jim Crow while sipping San Pellegrino until passing out.
Tonight, I’ve bowed out of a really sweet event. A handmade jewelry trunk show put on by two of my bffs. It would be great, I wanted to go. But it’s not the end of the world and my friends totally understand and love me anyway. I know that if I don’t let something go, I’ll be no fucking good to anyone anywhere.
There are a lot of cool things to do and buy and see this year, like every year. There is also an epic amount of cultural upheaval that desperately needs to be addressed. In addition to giving you permission to go home and rest, I also want to remind you not to underestimate the effects that collective grief, and confusion, might be having on your energy levels. Go easy on consumption.
Extra self-care is needed. Extra efforts to be brave and talk about how you are feeling and what you would like to see in the world. Racism and rape (two major focus topics afoot) can be really upsetting and awkward to voice and talk about. So maybe your conversation needs to start with trusted counsel about how to have the conversation. Or ways to find feasible actions to take in order to help, and to lift you out of powerlessness and into connection. Please let me know if I can help.
And if you haven’t read The New Jim Crow, I would highly recommend it. It’s a comprehensive timeline of the lawmaking that has managed to maintain, and even exacerbate, racism in America. No matter what, it’s imperative that we have no more blind eyes. No more “us” and “them”. Color blindness isn’t a thing. Time to wake up, rise up, and love so much harder.
Just being educated and aware of the human experience is a great start. For all the people. Walking in someone else’s shoes, really listening, witnessing, and not turning away from suffering is a path to wholeness. Let’s go to there.
[I found this in my folder of things I’ve started writing and don’t know why it never got published. Although it is from early December, it’s still really relevant. Also, I need a confessional around the monk thing. So, this post is a #latergram. Love you guys. ]
* The image is from lightstalkers.org. Artist: Mikel Flamm.