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Author Archives: mworden

Mandatory Merriment

Mandatory Merriment

I was sentenced to serve two years in Federal Prison the day before Christmas Eve. The wooden rocking horse with the yarn hair was already ordered, delivered, and stashed in the attic. My son, Aidan, was a year and a half, and it was his first year to be even remotely cognizant of the conceptContinue Reading

My Accidental, Albeit, Metaphorical Holiday Boner Promotion

My Accidental, Albeit, Metaphorical Holiday Boner Promotion

Attention to detail is… A pinnacle of resume sainthood and adult behavior. The magic words to get the job done. The wet dream* of grammar hammers everywhere. The reason for the delete key. People love that phrase, don’t they? Everything about it screams RESPONSIBILITY and MATURITY. Like everyone else in my known universe, I’ve writtenContinue Reading

Birds are Assholes & Other Camping-Inspired Wisdom

Birds are Assholes & Other Camping-Inspired Wisdom

For the first time in a couple of decades, I went camping. Tent camping. In the woods. Like, real, no showering, fire-building, squat to pee, flashlight camping. There were hatchets. And wool socks. I wore a hat to bed. I’ll admit there was some desperation involved. Things have been happening personally and culturally that hadContinue Reading

Why I Won’t Be Praying For Patience

Why I Won’t Be Praying For Patience

  I stopped praying for patience a long time ago. Seriously. No more. I used to pray for this virtue in some kind of misguided attempt to become a sweet, quiet, and utterly patient pile of grace. The polar opposite of the fiery mass of intensity that I more likely lean towards. I should beContinue Reading

Stability 2.0: the road rash remix

Stability 2.0: the road rash remix

So I’m laying in the gravel at the park. Again. My knee is throbbing, my running pants are a little ripped, but they already were from the last time, so whatever. There is blood. Fortunately, my palm skin is intact, but it will be bruised. I look around to assess how much of a spectacleContinue Reading

Feed Me Darling + A Social Ignition

Feed Me Darling + A Social Ignition

I have 3-5 pieces of insanely good news. At least I think they’re good. I hope you do too. But it’s okay if you’re doing other stuff that’s more important to you. Being human is a trip and I support your carrying on with whatever. Go watch the sunset or eat some late summer blackberries orContinue Reading

I Don’t Really Know Anything + You Don’t Have To Either. It’s Cool.

I Don’t Really Know Anything + You Don’t Have To Either. It’s Cool.

It has been three weeks since I moved into a new house. It might be the eleventeen hundredth time I’ve moved or something close to that. By now I should be really, really good at it. But every time, it’s some fresh kind of frenetic. All new systems have to be implemented, things break, getContinue Reading

Reading, Watching, Eating, Loving + Video Part Deux

Reading, Watching, Eating, Loving + Video Part Deux

In two weeks I’m moving into a new house. Plus, I’m right in the middle of All of The Social Things, and because I’m an introvert, it means I have to save up the energy to show up for them by staying kind of still and quiet. And by “kind of still and quiet”, IContinue Reading

The Art of Creating Meaningful Connections

The Art of Creating Meaningful Connections

  It’s been a pretty crazy week. Mostly, because of the state of popular culture. This week I got a Facebook invitation to a Pap Smear Party. Seriously. It’s a party where everyone will snuggle up on pillows in a private home, drink whiskey kombuchas, insert their own speculums, and have the host/doctor walk aroundContinue Reading

You’re So Metal: How To Be Enough In A World That Would Rather You Weren’t

You’re So Metal: How To Be Enough In A World That Would Rather You Weren’t

Have you seen the viral post about the stay at home dad who selfied his “metal hand” into a series of photos he took with his son? I saw it this morning and, apparently, initially, he got much backlash for the introduction of this level of carnage to his cherubic little miracle. Meanwhile, tiny containersContinue Reading

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